Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize