Moan for me like Helen Keller
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
