How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
