Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
