You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just want nice things and good sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we're so committed to being not committed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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