Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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