I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
