I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
