im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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