ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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