i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
