i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
