All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
