What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
