Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
