So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
