I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
