You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
