Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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