Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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