i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
