Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My cat gives me a boner

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  (610): My cat gives me a boner http://tfl.nu/df3i
  Replies (29) Good night (939) Bad night (7112)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv

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  (615): a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv http://tfl.nu/wh93
  Replies (15) Good night (1312) Bad night (4159)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore

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  (781): I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore http://tfl.nu/jp8t
  Replies (19) Good night (995) Bad night (4223)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?

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  (612): I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life? http://tfl.nu/j7qa
  Replies (6) Good night (2112) Bad night (1233)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.

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  (201): Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys. http://tfl.nu/w09r
  Replies (8) Good night (2104) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.

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  (619): I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes. http://tfl.nu/rji6
  Replies (10) Good night (1572) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.

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  (703): I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did. http://tfl.nu/tu20
  Replies (6) Good night (1381) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?

  (226): View more from Ontario

  Don't answer that. It is bad.

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  (226): Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice? (226): Don't answer that. It is bad. http://tfl.nu/e65p
  Replies (5) Good night (1350) Bad night (909)
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  (714): View more from California

  It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.

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  (714): It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs. http://tfl.nu/jalq
  Replies (13) Good night (537) Bad night (1997)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.

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  (206): Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys. http://tfl.nu/t4sn
  Replies (6) Good night (1180) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!

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  (215): THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT! http://tfl.nu/gopq
  Replies (27) Good night (671) Bad night (1557)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard

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  (610): I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard http://tfl.nu/mt5d
  Replies (3) Good night (1375) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.

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  (843): I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least. http://tfl.nu/90gk
  Replies (5) Good night (843) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.

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  (678): I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment. http://tfl.nu/3adl
  Replies (2) Good night (873) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.

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  (214): This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given. http://tfl.nu/z7tx
  Replies (2) Good night (964) Bad night (391)

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