those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.