Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?