I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...