She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?