every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole