Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...