either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
