I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
