Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
