forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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