So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
