I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
