am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
