hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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