There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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