Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
