i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
