Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
