I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
