Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
