Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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