Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
