So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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