Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's blow job season.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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