This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
