so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
