I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
