i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
