cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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