First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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