I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
did i just pee glitter
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
