woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The Olympian is in my bed
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
