i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
