Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
