I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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