I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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