does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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