Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
