Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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