ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
