I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
