before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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