Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
