he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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