bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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