No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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