I hope mine doesn't look like that
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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