GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize