Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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