youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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