Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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