After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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