He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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