If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
