pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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