i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's always time for handjobs
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
