He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
