It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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