we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
