we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
