i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
