Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
