I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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