I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
