She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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