I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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