Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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